The Only Thing Stopping You is You

The only thing stopping me is me

It’s a liberating thought

I used to feel like all my obstacles were outside of me. I had a reason, an excuse for all the things in my life that weren’t how I wanted them to be.
I’m not confident, I’m shy, I wasn’t taught how to, my parents were like this, I had these experiences as a kid and now I’m stuck with that programming.
It’s nice to have that comfy blanket to hide under when things aren’t going well.

What I was really trying to do was escape from my inner critic. The one who tries to whip me into shape by attacking me for every mistake, every imperfect move. I was so busy focusing on avoiding the pain of self criticism that I had very little time to actually address the issues at hand, to look for solutions, to learn and improve from each failure.

The irony of self criticism is it keeps me in exactly the same place I made the mistake from. By focusing on the problem and not the solution it consolidates the story that I’m not good enough, that I’m somehow inherently flawed at my core.

The weirdest thing is that we all know it’s an ineffective strategy. It’s obvious. It’s why fun stuff is easier, because we are not judging ourselves based on a binary code of success or failure. We are invested in the process and we just do. We can assess our actions and adjust as we wish, we are creative rather than destructive.

As soon as we place more importance on the outcome than the action itself we lose the ability to objectively assess our situation, what can we improve, change about our approach that might achieve better results?
The critic stands over us with a whip and we feel trapped and afraid.

But wait! That critic is me too right?

I’ve realised that I have a tendency to apply the same flawed logic to my own inner processes. By making my critic something other than me I am turning myself into a victim and giving it more power. The critic isn’t evil or malicious, it wants the same as the rest of me, the same thing we all want: to feel good, to feel loved.

The trouble arises because we have so many different ideas about how to get there and so we pull ourselves in different directions. Sometimes even tearing ourselves apart in the process.

In order to really move forward we need alignment with every part of our being. We need to cultivate understanding, to know that every part of us is on the same team.
Acceptance is key here:

I accept my situation.

I accept my thoughts.

I accept my feelings.

I accept it all without condition.

Now I can do something about it - I am no longer stopping myself.